Season of Beauty and Change

Fall has to be the prettiest of seasons...

Everywhere, the red, orange and yellows catch the eye.

Here in the deep South, it can't decide to be cool and stay cool,

or turn warm again.

It reminds me a bit of myself right now.

So happy for this time of year,

the holidays, the leaves, the trees, the joy.

But so many winds of change in my life right now...

Do I live in peace, or live in fear?

Do I live in joy or give way to sadness?

Seems a season of reflecting,

a season of bits of regret - does that come when one needs to think and does think too much?

A season of what to do next?

And how did I get here?

One of teenager, a preteen and a 1st grader,

and all the deep issues with each age - and boys and girl.

All at once.

And a mom that wonders how she was just the teenager...

and she's not ready to parent one...

or two.

A season to take it all in.

To open the blinds and just to look -

at the colors and the leaves and the trees and the blowing of the breeze.

One where I wonder what will blow in next?

Where will God lead, and what will open and what will close?

What will take shape, that I cannot begin to make out right now?

A season to draw close to Him who holds all of it in His hands.

To listen, to read, to hear, to question, to soak in, to saturate,

to stop the clenching of my fists -

to open my hands...

To all that He brings,

blowing in - like these leaves on this breeze.

Oh Autumn is Among Us!

My most favorite block of months has come.

The seasons that I love.

At first, I was so busy I could hardly enjoy them

or acknowledge their presence.

But look, a wonderful change has come...

My windows are open, and a soft cool breeze blows through.

Those first few cool days of the season - I could swear refreshes and renews my very soul.

A bit of fall - to welcome us all...

Mums, just opening - such an image of the season, to me

Trees are most beautiful in yellows and reds and oranges, I believe...

And on this crisp cool Saturday, I took my littlest guy to breathe in the beauty.

He ran to the flags and back, collecting leaves...

Stopping next to his Mama for a few...

Yes, each one a prize...

Twisting stems together to "experiment" - "will they float or sink?" 

The giggles in the watching!

In the midst of many changes - many unknowns

(why is it I always need to know?)

still have much to be grateful for...

562  Warm coffee

563  Soft sweaters

564  Warm socks

565  My kitchen table

566  Autumn leaves - brown and crunchy on the ground,

Orange, yellow and red on the trees

567  Books cleared from around my table

568  The hope God gives

569  Time to think - praying to stop using that time to worry

570  A beautiful day at the park with Joshua - just to play

571  A stranger/lady who gave him bread to feed to fishies

572  The delightful squeal of "I see a fish!"

573  The imagination of a 6 yr old

574  Ladies night for church

575  Sweet welcoming friends

576  Sharing a meal

577  Devotions read to a room full of hungry souls

578  Roasting marshmallows over a backyard firepit -

making yummy, sticky smores

579  Having the time to reach into my quiet time basket

580  A supportive hubby - through all my tears of the past week.

linking up with:

A Bit of Calm

Aaahhh nursing school....

I knew to expect hard.  Double hard.  But actually doing it, is really really hard.  I've been in college for 2 yrs now...  I know how to study.  I've made all A's.  Now, it's just about passing... making it through.  And surviving.

At times I feel all my kids will remember about me in their childhood was that I studied.  For Joshua especially.  I get up early, get kids off to school, rush off to the big city (aka, New Orleans), spend a day in lectures or clinicals, rush back to our town, rush to carpool line, rush home to make dinner, then study pretty much till bed.  Everyday...  I no longer have free time or me time. 

And if I think of how long I have to do this - how long till the end, I can easily become way too overwhelmed.  I generally live on the verge of giving it all I have, and falling a part - thinking this is too hard...  We had hospital orientation last week, and there was this person in the hall mopping the floor.  And I stood there, my mind swimming with patients, meds, shots, sickness, responsibilty, & "what I am doing??" - the floor mopping job began to look good...

This week I start working in the hospital.  With actual patients.  With responsibility I may never have known, seeing and doing what I have never done.  A friend had her first week in the hospital last week, and when I talked to her yesterday - I was thinking, "She made it.  She survived and so will I."  Other than an aching back, she did very well.  And when I get overwhelmed by it all - I have to remember I too will make it.

Clay said to me a couple of weeks ago something that has really helped me.  He reminded me of that old saying, "How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time."  Believe it or not, this truly helps.  Every day, every check off, every chapter studied, every test passed, every uncomfortable situation becoming more comfortable...I do it one bite at a time - till it's done.

This weekend has been like the calm before the storm.  I have a calculations test Monday, hospital Tuesday and Wednesday, class all day Thursday, check off on shots Thursday evening, class on Friday.  Big test the following Monday in Pharmacology...one bite at a time. 

Me and the kiddos went to the "country" to visit my parents today.  It was so nice.  The weather was beautiful.  The food was good.  We all got lots of fresh air & sunshine.

From the back patio

Joshua helped me cut the wildflowers

A rabbit as soft as velvet

The chickens and the roosters

Bellpeppers growing green

Sights along the paths

Winding through, again and again...just enjoying

Stopping to look at all the strange mushrooms

The breezes - how I love the breezes

Racing

Sun in leaves

Treasures taken home

Just lovely it was...

Now - I must study :)

Crescent Cookies!!!

There is a certain cookie that I just LOVE.

Both me and my hubby.

And you can only find them around the Christmas holidays.

Just when I had almost forgotten about them, there they were.

Just around the aisle of the grocery store.

I got 2 boxes....

But really should have gotten more - we are already on box #2.

And with a cup of coffee..... simply delightful!!

It's been a while

It's a rainy day here in the deep South.  Cool and gray.  The leaves turning colorful.

My view from the carpool line.

Joshua waiting to begin his kindergarten week.  Looking a bit sleepy.  Asking me if we touch the power lines, will they shock us?  I say yes.  He says, "You know why birds don't get shocked?  Because they have little pink wooden feet - that's why."

It was too cute, who has the heart to correct?  I think I shall always think of birds with little pink wooden feet from now on.

Oh, and love that Saints shirt!!

Driving home, I see the sun, just barely peeking out through all the gray clouds.  It somehow makes me feel good knowing that above all the gray yuck, the sun is still beaming, and the skies are still blue.  Just waiting to appear.

I am still trudging on - through school and emotions and wifehood and motherhood.  Doing better some days than others - in all departments!  Nearing the end of the semester - so looking forward to having the month of December off.  I so need it and long for a day I don't have to study.  

Perhaps then I can blog more :)

Weekends are for....

Wildflowers...

 And outdoors...

 And walks...and trails...

Decorating the indoors with the outdoors...

Making soup...with natures goodness...

Holding my hubby's hand...

 Feeling his strength...

Many, many blessings....

Complex

Who am anyway?

I think I shall never quite figure myself out.

This I know about me -

I think deeply

constantly

rampantly.

I see far ahead

and what is behind.

I see the whole scope of things

always before me.

I am extremely sentimental.

My love stretches widely

and is amazingly deep.

My thoughts and moods can vary within moments

depending on the clouds

the sun

the shadows

the music

the company

the time of day.

I do not like to argue,

don't like confrontation.

I am a worrier.

I hurt easily.

Little things can make me happy.

Like

 a hug

a kind word

a smile

a gesture

being home

a new book

a sweet story

a hand in mine.

I am serious

but can be silly.

I am quiet

but can chatter away.

I prefer being one on one

yet I love people.

Whatever I feel is always written on my face

I can't fake otherwise.

A part of me is strong

capable of anything.

And the other part is as fragile as butterfly wings.

I look up

and trust

God will mold me

in all my complexity

into something beautiful.

Something He can use.

Hello Old Friend(s)

You know how it is when there is that friend you've been meaning to call.  You know you should, but you are just so busy.  And so much time has passed, you don't know where you would even begin.  So much to catch up on, you don't know if you have it in you...
That's how it's been with my blog - for a while.

Before the weather began to turn cooler, me and Joshie visited the park - though now (when it is cooler) would be a much better time to do so!

I just decorated the house for fall, my most favorite season - that leads into my other favorite season.  Its been too hot to go into the attic to even get the decorations - and I am always afraid of something jumping out at me - not that anything I can imagine could survive in an attic during a Louisiana summer.

Made a friendly welcome spot by the front door.  Put on the pretty fall wreath, and added a swag of fall leaves around the front door.

Decorated the table across from the front door.  Just makes me feel cheery looking at it.  Decorated the mantle also.

I have been busying studying, all the time it seems.  I am taking what I knew would be one of the hardest classes to date.  And it is.  Anatomy and Physiology.  I have had to learn every bone, every kind of skin and tissue.  The body cavities and organs.  The planes of a body and it's directional terms.  The joints, and how they all move.  And that's only so far.  It is overwhelming.  I have been doing well, grade-wise.  But those grades don't come easy.  We have 50 question tests every Wednesday evening.  (THIS evening).  Feel like I never study enough, and yet I do all the time.  And that's just one of my classes.....

One day after I dropped Joshua off at kindergarten, I went to a McD's near the school, and just sat in the play place.  It was early in the morning, and no kids were there.  I sat there for around 2 hours, drinking my coffee and learning the axial system.  If I am at home, I usually find something else that needs to be done, or am distracted by the laptop!

I study in the carpool line.  Note cards that take me a whole day just to make...  Wherever I have a few minutes to sit, I study.

One of the main (real) reasons I haven't blogged much (at all) is that I have been going through a very emotional time lately.  Two people very close to me have been going through extremely painful experiences.  They just so happen to be experiences I fear - and have always feared.  I guess going through it with them has heightened my already there fears, and have made me.... a nut.  

There is this logical side of me - that knows better.  That knows my fears are irrational.  That knows better to ultimately trust in the outward things, or latch on to false idols.  I know better than this.  I know that God has me in His hand - and that all things are under His control.  I know I should be feeding on His truth, instead of allowing the enemy to have a field day with my mind, heart and emotions.

But there is this other side of me, that is weak.  That easily gives into fear.  That doesn't prioritize my time, that doesn't spend enough time in God's Word.  That feeds my fears.  I don't like that side.  I want to be free, and every time I think I am, it rears it's ugly head again.  I need to get at the root of my fears, and let God deal with them, teach me, show me the truth.  And I feel that I give it to Him, beg Him to take them, and there they come again. 

Life is hard.  It does get ugly and it is often painful.  But I know that my hope has to be on Him.  In Him. 

And He loves me.  And I can trust Him with what I have given Him. When life fails us, He never will.  He has truly blessed me - and I am so grateful.

I have to keep reminding myself of that.