Hello Old Friend(s)

You know how it is when there is that friend you've been meaning to call.  You know you should, but you are just so busy.  And so much time has passed, you don't know where you would even begin.  So much to catch up on, you don't know if you have it in you...
That's how it's been with my blog - for a while.

Before the weather began to turn cooler, me and Joshie visited the park - though now (when it is cooler) would be a much better time to do so!

I just decorated the house for fall, my most favorite season - that leads into my other favorite season.  Its been too hot to go into the attic to even get the decorations - and I am always afraid of something jumping out at me - not that anything I can imagine could survive in an attic during a Louisiana summer.

Made a friendly welcome spot by the front door.  Put on the pretty fall wreath, and added a swag of fall leaves around the front door.

Decorated the table across from the front door.  Just makes me feel cheery looking at it.  Decorated the mantle also.

I have been busying studying, all the time it seems.  I am taking what I knew would be one of the hardest classes to date.  And it is.  Anatomy and Physiology.  I have had to learn every bone, every kind of skin and tissue.  The body cavities and organs.  The planes of a body and it's directional terms.  The joints, and how they all move.  And that's only so far.  It is overwhelming.  I have been doing well, grade-wise.  But those grades don't come easy.  We have 50 question tests every Wednesday evening.  (THIS evening).  Feel like I never study enough, and yet I do all the time.  And that's just one of my classes.....

One day after I dropped Joshua off at kindergarten, I went to a McD's near the school, and just sat in the play place.  It was early in the morning, and no kids were there.  I sat there for around 2 hours, drinking my coffee and learning the axial system.  If I am at home, I usually find something else that needs to be done, or am distracted by the laptop!

I study in the carpool line.  Note cards that take me a whole day just to make...  Wherever I have a few minutes to sit, I study.

One of the main (real) reasons I haven't blogged much (at all) is that I have been going through a very emotional time lately.  Two people very close to me have been going through extremely painful experiences.  They just so happen to be experiences I fear - and have always feared.  I guess going through it with them has heightened my already there fears, and have made me.... a nut.  

There is this logical side of me - that knows better.  That knows my fears are irrational.  That knows better to ultimately trust in the outward things, or latch on to false idols.  I know better than this.  I know that God has me in His hand - and that all things are under His control.  I know I should be feeding on His truth, instead of allowing the enemy to have a field day with my mind, heart and emotions.

But there is this other side of me, that is weak.  That easily gives into fear.  That doesn't prioritize my time, that doesn't spend enough time in God's Word.  That feeds my fears.  I don't like that side.  I want to be free, and every time I think I am, it rears it's ugly head again.  I need to get at the root of my fears, and let God deal with them, teach me, show me the truth.  And I feel that I give it to Him, beg Him to take them, and there they come again. 

Life is hard.  It does get ugly and it is often painful.  But I know that my hope has to be on Him.  In Him. 

And He loves me.  And I can trust Him with what I have given Him. When life fails us, He never will.  He has truly blessed me - and I am so grateful.

I have to keep reminding myself of that.