A New Year, A Different Season of Life

My first blog post in 2014... Where to begin?....

A year ago, I was in the midst of school, deep in studies, feeling like it would never end. But it did, and now it feels like a world away. And how strange that it does...

I had a break after school, of just being...of mothering and homeschooling and catching up on life outside of school. It was very nice.

In January I started a job I love - working in the physical therapy department of a local hospital, in acute care and rehab. It's a job that scared me a bit in the beginning, but everyday is a learning experience and I become more comfortable there daily.

I work most weeks full time - then there is the house and the husband and 3 kids and 3 dogs and shopping and cooking (when I can!) and cleaning and driving... Lots of driving.

And life - the good and the bad, the painful and the in-between.

 

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October

Hello - I am still alive - and well!

Since I've graduated, I have so enjoyed the break, after 4 years of college. I took my board exam to get my PTA license on Oct 9th. It was the hardest test of my life. With much gratitude, I passed, and now have my license. Now I need to get serious about finding a job. 

In the meantime, and since the beginning of this school year, I've been homeschooling the kiddos. It has gone very well, it suits our family, I love the flexibility, and love being with the kids. I would love if we could just skip over physical science, haha- it was one of my least favorite subjects when I was in 9th grade, so it's not my favorite to teach either!  Give me biology, anatomy, anything but chemistry/physics/physical science!  

We are also doing algebra 1, which I am enjoying and Jalyn is not...  I didn't enjoy it when I was her age either. She is getting it though. After doing a few problems, especially radicals, I say, "Isn't this fun?!"  She doesn't exactly see the fun as I do!  

I have been enjoying reading as much as ever - and am so happy not to be studying for what seems like forever!  My most recent obsession has been reading "Pride and Prejudice". It was so thick, and a bit hard to read, as it was written in the very early 1800's. But I loved it!  And finished it in 3 days. Then I found the BBC series (5 episodes) on Netflix. It is nearly word for word. A little cheesy, but still I enjoyed it. Then, my obsession still wasn't over, so, I went to Blockbuster yesterday and found a beautiful movie of Pride and Prejudice. It was not an exact version of the book, as movies never are, but none the less, very sweet. I curled up in bed last night, with the lights out, and savored every minute of the movie. 

Other than that book, I've been focusing on books that grow and feed my faith. I just finished Eliza Morgan's book, 

It was so, so good.  I highly recommend it. I just started yesterday a book by Brennan Manning. I'm only on page 3, and I've already highlighted so much of it!  

I am so loving the month of October!  The cool fronts that have actually drifted this far south, the beautiful sun shining days, the colors, the windows open...all of it. The sweet feel of holidays around the corner. Love, love, love fall. 

I have started running again, a much needed re-addition to my daily routine. I have been having some alignment problems with my hips/pelvis and have been having significant pain in my left hip for several months. That has put a damper on my desire to run, but I've been going to PT, and feeling good enough to sprint out the door.  The cooler weather has much to do with it to I must say...

My sister just had a new baby girl a couple days ago, and me and Jalyn went to visit her. Holding a sweet new baby was such a pleasure!  Little Cecilia!

Well, I'm off to a coffee shop for some catch up/advice/pleasure, with a dear friend over a latte!

Happy, happy October!

A Year in Review

How does one catch up on a year?  An entire year gone by?  

I can try with words:

College, books, full-time, studying, friends, tests, juggling, stresses, tears, grades, tests, clinicals, hospitals, patients, scrubs, physical therapy, experiences, kids, life, husband, military retirement, homeschooling, birthdays and holidays, a now 17 yr old, a 14 yr old and an 8 yr old, graduation, elation, changes, happiness, sadness, searching, finding, relaxing, reading, teaching, cooking, enjoying....  Life

And with pictures?

My study spot at school:

Graduation announcement:

Clips of me and a bestie in the class on graduation day:

My flowers on graduation night:

Oh some sweet peace:

Homeschooling books:

A weekend ladies only trip at the end of summer:

On our trip, sending a pic to my hubby:

I had been longing for this for a whole year - to relax and read whatever I wanted:

A day trip with the kiddos to the beach:

Me these days:

It has been a full year. 

Preparing

Our summer was sweet, savoring every minute.

Every "do-anything-go-wherever-just-relax" moment.  

We spent summer days in pjs, playing games here in the house, 

At the waterpark, the beach, with friends, 

Cooking, visiting grandparents, having out of state family come here, 

Going to Texas to visit friends...

It has been good.  

But as always, too short.

The kids went back to school yesterday, 

None of us excited about it.  

I know there are mothers who can't wait for their kids to be in school, 

And then there is me, who would cocoon us all here in the house if I could.

I have gotten them settled in school, met Joshie's teacher,
Met him for lunch yesterday, on his 1st day of 2nd grade...
Trying to make him and me comfortable.
Went to Jalyns school today to try to get a mistake in her schedule changed.

Trying to settle, shop, stock up, and make ready all before I begin
The Physical Therapy program in a week.

How to be a mom who is used to being mostly home,
To being a full time college student who will be mostly gone?

I have read all the books I could squeeze in this summer,
Attended ladies bible study Tues nights - my last class like that for the
Forseeable future.
Done all the things I find fun and relaxing.
Knowing just a fraction of the hard work before me.

And now is the waiting for the rest to begin.
I feel the list growing smaller - kids settled, summer done, physical and titers done,
CPR class and all other hoops jumped.
For the past week I find myself taking conscious slow deep breaths.

Find myself where God has wanted me all along -
Dependent on Him for even every anxious breath I breathe.
He knows I want to see 10 steps in front of me at all times.
I want my life in this neat little ordered way,
And yearly, I see that controlled life I think I want, slipping away -
Though I try to hold onto it.

God wants me to trust Him and look to Him,
Not trust in the false security of the "control" I try to achieve.

So though it feels so scary, and I wonder who am I to accomplish this,
It may be just the place I am meant to be.
Where I need God to get me through each day, each class, for each grade,
For the hubby and the kids and the house and the dogs...
For Him to calm this worrywart.

And for another week, I prepare...

 Feeling each moment at home as extra sweet...

The Last Summer

I do hope it is not, but for now, it does feel like my last summer...

I feel like the Israelites, when God gave them the land. And they sent a crew to spy the land, to see what it was like. And they saw giants and fortified cities and melted in fear. All except Joshua and Caleb. They knew the land was theirs, and if God gave it, He would see them through. Oh how I want to be a Joshua and a Caleb...

The sun is just peeking out, the house, still dark - everyone sleeping. But me. I wake, and think I shall finally sort out the clutter in my head. Face my thoughts instead of trying to distract myself from them. And so I sit, at my favorite kitchen table spot, with a cup of hot raspberry tea, and pray all stays asleep for a while.

Last fall, I decided to try to get into a physical therapy assistant program here in New Orleans. In order to even apply, I had to take chemistry and physics this spring...at the same time. All I want to say, is I am happy they are over, never to take those two again. (grin)   Plus, I had to volunteer as many hours as I could at 2 different physical therapy settings (the more you had, the better your chances). The PTA Program is the only one in the New Orleans area.

The day of the group interview, where everyone who jumped through all the same hoops as I, gathered together to hear that 114 of us had applied. 25 would be accepted. There were several people with degrees already, most worked in the physical therapy setting and had 100s of hours. As I left there, I texted my husband and told him only a miracle could get me in.

And I prayed, as I have all through chemistry and physics, and volunteer hours, "Lord, I have no back up plan, this is it...please."

On Joshua's 7th birthday, a couple weeks ago, I sat on the beach as the kids searched for hermit crabs. Hubby texts me that a big brown envelope came from school... Maybe they are sending all my stuff back, I tell him. I ask him to open it and read it aloud as he reads it. "We are pleased to inform you, you have been accepted..."

So exciting!

And so why am I now here, trying to rangle in all my thoughts and fears? Fears I know. They come easy to me. Especially the ones about me, not measuring up, in countless ways. Aren't I just the mom, with 3 kids? The one who loves to be home, take care of my house, and cook the meals? Aren't I still the kid who tries to do her best? And if only 25, then why me? How did I get the grades I did? How did I get here? Can I even do this?

So this August, I will enter the PTA Program. 5 days a week, from the hours of 8-6, for a solid year, I will be gone. Away from here, my cozy house and 3 kids, husband and 2 dogs.

In Gods providence, my hubby retires from a 22 year military career at the same time. And so, he will be the one to cook and clean and bring little one to school and pick him up and pack his lunches. And my heart breaks just thinking of it all.

 And yet I know, this is of God, and I must do it. He has shown me the land, I know it looks scary...others are younger, single, no kids, smarter, lots more experience... I can see it does look scary, and while all that may be true, He has brought me here. I can choose to believe Him, to enter in trusting that if He has called me to this, He will get me and my family, through.

I can enter in belief.

Finals

I had finals this past week.

Oh I just loved writing that :)

I studied so hard...  there is just so much for each of these classes.

(Chemistry and Physics)

More math and formulas than I thought possible.

Not to mention word problems and the periodic table.

So, for the summer - no more studying while I wash dishes, brush teeth,  put on makeup, or while sitting in the carpool line.  And all the other times.

For now, my book back lies there - so happy I don't have to open it again!

 For a good while anyway.

I was ever so happy this morning, to read whatever I wanted....

Bliss I tell you!

 

I have been following a reading plan -

maybe now I will get to catch up - and have time to journal as well.

 

And afterward, I laced up, grabbed the ipod, and went for a morning run.

 

 I am grateful for all I have learned in college, but will so happy when I am done in a year. 

This summer will be my first semester off since I started, 2 years ago.

I am going to cherish it :)

The Changing Seasons of Life

Oh the seasons of life.

Some are such happy ones.

Some, you had no idea how sweet they were until you look back.

Some you are happy they are over, never to return.

And some, they are... the ones you just have to get through -

 Not bad, just not what you want.

Life the past few months have been a rush. 

A blur of busy activity, rushing from one event to another.

Like these pink lovelies.

For weeks we noticed the buds as we rushed by, in and out of the house.

And finally, blooms.  Lots and lots of them.

I do so enjoy them while they are here.

Filling vases here and there.

And they are already gone... until next Spring...

And this busy season of life? It too will pass.

This time of school and shuffling, and forgetting what needs to be done,

of rushing this one up and to school, and this one too, and dishes and cooking,

and grocery shopping and laundry. Of college and studying and homework and tests.

Of little ones with fever and sickness, of doctor appointments,

and of me - getting wisdom teeth pulled, at my age.

Of not having time for even an overdue phone call or sharing of hearts over coffee.

This season too shall pass.

And one day, a new will come.

It will spring up possibly without notice.

Like this little tree, growing in a shady corner of the backyard.

Some seasons have been just how I wanted them. 

All in order and under my control...

Time to linger, time for friendships, time for a spic and span house,

and planned out cooked meals.

Time when it felt easy to encounter God.

To see and hear from Him.

To be in a wonderful bible study with dear friends.  Curled up on couches.

For long quiet times while little ones slept or napped or played nearby.

But what to make of this blurring time?

 It doesn't feel nice and orderly or under any control.

And then I wonder why think it should?

I know that at anytime, I can look up...

In between the rushing of life events, all the need-to-do's,

He is there...  A prayer away. 

And only He will give me the strength to endure - all the seasons of life.

Catching Up

Where have I been since my last post?

Hhhmmmm???

I have been (the theme of the decade) - 

busy. 

Seriously, I can actually recall days that stretched...

Watching the sun and shadows cast long slants on my walls.

Solid blocks of time.

Where did all that go? 

Well, since I last spoke here,

our little one got a raging fever,

a trip to the doctor, chest xray, pneumonia, shots and antibiotics.

Then a recent round of high fever, concerns the pneumonia was returning,

another round of antibiotics.

This was when chills had set in, and eyes drooped closed, with forehead hot.

I have done lots of reading.  As usual.  It is the one thing I do in my "downtime" -

those brief moments between one thing and another. 

Amazing how many books you can actually read - in those in between moments.

Me and my honey celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary!

And we actually ate at a fancy restaurant - all by ourselves,

where they make these squiggles all over your plate.

I am still trudging along in Chemistry and Physics...

Daily trying to decide which one is harder and which one I dislike more...

Yes, that bad.

I had a test in each class today, don't know my grades yet.

But for now, I am taking a bit of a breather.

I still love to get up early, to light some candles,

enjoy my coffee and kitchen table moments...

Always working in some bible study -

 though with school, they take me way longer than they used to.

Presently memorizing The Sermon on the Mount.

My problem is, I get to where I know it completely while looking at the first

letter of each word.  Take away my first letters, and I struggle more than I'd like.

Counting the blessings - the wonderfulness of now.

Even enjoying late nights - at the kitchen table.

Where God can and does meet me over candlelight,

my bible, and a tall glass of iced coffee.

I even went to see a movie with my best girlfriend!

Then promptly went home, did a little research on this

"based on a true story" story.

Bought the book on my Kindle and had it read by the next night.

So glad I saw the movie first...

And all the regular mom things as well...

Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning (though less and less these days!),

packing lunches, tending to dogs (who wanted these anyway...?),

driving kids around, trying to get back into running and exercising...,

wondering where the sun had gone for the past few days, celebrating in

seeing it today, grocery shopping, watching American Idol...

I think we are all caught up!

Hopefully I get another breather before long!

New Directions

Now that I have switched majors,

I have had to switch schools.

Technically it's the same school, but a different campus.

I still have to drive to New Orleans, but in a different area

and to a campus I have never been to before.

One where I know no one. 

No friends on this journey with me.

No one to explore this big campus with...

Or to help me as I am nearly freaking out over not knowing

what on earth I am doing in Chemistry and Physics...

I thought I'd be studying science - not math like I've never seen before.

Math with Scientific Notation to the 1000th degree hard,

and vectors and graphing and compasses, oh my!

And yet, even in this, I find peace and beauty.

This big and strange new campus is right across the street from

City Park in New Orleans.

I purposely park farther from my classes, just so I can face this park.

 Magnificent old Oak Trees, lovely enough to calm this fearful student.

I park here under this tree.

Only in New Orleans, do you find Mardi Gras beads hanging like fruit in a tree!

And even on a wire...

And so in between one hard class and the other,

I make my car a sanctuary.

I eat, I read, I soak in the words and the view and pray for strength to do this...

I gather strength from He who is with me at all times.