Preparing

Our summer was sweet, savoring every minute.

Every "do-anything-go-wherever-just-relax" moment.  

We spent summer days in pjs, playing games here in the house, 

At the waterpark, the beach, with friends, 

Cooking, visiting grandparents, having out of state family come here, 

Going to Texas to visit friends...

It has been good.  

But as always, too short.

The kids went back to school yesterday, 

None of us excited about it.  

I know there are mothers who can't wait for their kids to be in school, 

And then there is me, who would cocoon us all here in the house if I could.

I have gotten them settled in school, met Joshie's teacher,
Met him for lunch yesterday, on his 1st day of 2nd grade...
Trying to make him and me comfortable.
Went to Jalyns school today to try to get a mistake in her schedule changed.

Trying to settle, shop, stock up, and make ready all before I begin
The Physical Therapy program in a week.

How to be a mom who is used to being mostly home,
To being a full time college student who will be mostly gone?

I have read all the books I could squeeze in this summer,
Attended ladies bible study Tues nights - my last class like that for the
Forseeable future.
Done all the things I find fun and relaxing.
Knowing just a fraction of the hard work before me.

And now is the waiting for the rest to begin.
I feel the list growing smaller - kids settled, summer done, physical and titers done,
CPR class and all other hoops jumped.
For the past week I find myself taking conscious slow deep breaths.

Find myself where God has wanted me all along -
Dependent on Him for even every anxious breath I breathe.
He knows I want to see 10 steps in front of me at all times.
I want my life in this neat little ordered way,
And yearly, I see that controlled life I think I want, slipping away -
Though I try to hold onto it.

God wants me to trust Him and look to Him,
Not trust in the false security of the "control" I try to achieve.

So though it feels so scary, and I wonder who am I to accomplish this,
It may be just the place I am meant to be.
Where I need God to get me through each day, each class, for each grade,
For the hubby and the kids and the house and the dogs...
For Him to calm this worrywart.

And for another week, I prepare...

 Feeling each moment at home as extra sweet...

The Last Summer

I do hope it is not, but for now, it does feel like my last summer...

I feel like the Israelites, when God gave them the land. And they sent a crew to spy the land, to see what it was like. And they saw giants and fortified cities and melted in fear. All except Joshua and Caleb. They knew the land was theirs, and if God gave it, He would see them through. Oh how I want to be a Joshua and a Caleb...

The sun is just peeking out, the house, still dark - everyone sleeping. But me. I wake, and think I shall finally sort out the clutter in my head. Face my thoughts instead of trying to distract myself from them. And so I sit, at my favorite kitchen table spot, with a cup of hot raspberry tea, and pray all stays asleep for a while.

Last fall, I decided to try to get into a physical therapy assistant program here in New Orleans. In order to even apply, I had to take chemistry and physics this spring...at the same time. All I want to say, is I am happy they are over, never to take those two again. (grin)   Plus, I had to volunteer as many hours as I could at 2 different physical therapy settings (the more you had, the better your chances). The PTA Program is the only one in the New Orleans area.

The day of the group interview, where everyone who jumped through all the same hoops as I, gathered together to hear that 114 of us had applied. 25 would be accepted. There were several people with degrees already, most worked in the physical therapy setting and had 100s of hours. As I left there, I texted my husband and told him only a miracle could get me in.

And I prayed, as I have all through chemistry and physics, and volunteer hours, "Lord, I have no back up plan, this is it...please."

On Joshua's 7th birthday, a couple weeks ago, I sat on the beach as the kids searched for hermit crabs. Hubby texts me that a big brown envelope came from school... Maybe they are sending all my stuff back, I tell him. I ask him to open it and read it aloud as he reads it. "We are pleased to inform you, you have been accepted..."

So exciting!

And so why am I now here, trying to rangle in all my thoughts and fears? Fears I know. They come easy to me. Especially the ones about me, not measuring up, in countless ways. Aren't I just the mom, with 3 kids? The one who loves to be home, take care of my house, and cook the meals? Aren't I still the kid who tries to do her best? And if only 25, then why me? How did I get the grades I did? How did I get here? Can I even do this?

So this August, I will enter the PTA Program. 5 days a week, from the hours of 8-6, for a solid year, I will be gone. Away from here, my cozy house and 3 kids, husband and 2 dogs.

In Gods providence, my hubby retires from a 22 year military career at the same time. And so, he will be the one to cook and clean and bring little one to school and pick him up and pack his lunches. And my heart breaks just thinking of it all.

 And yet I know, this is of God, and I must do it. He has shown me the land, I know it looks scary...others are younger, single, no kids, smarter, lots more experience... I can see it does look scary, and while all that may be true, He has brought me here. I can choose to believe Him, to enter in trusting that if He has called me to this, He will get me and my family, through.

I can enter in belief.

Finals

I had finals this past week.

Oh I just loved writing that :)

I studied so hard...  there is just so much for each of these classes.

(Chemistry and Physics)

More math and formulas than I thought possible.

Not to mention word problems and the periodic table.

So, for the summer - no more studying while I wash dishes, brush teeth,  put on makeup, or while sitting in the carpool line.  And all the other times.

For now, my book back lies there - so happy I don't have to open it again!

 For a good while anyway.

I was ever so happy this morning, to read whatever I wanted....

Bliss I tell you!

 

I have been following a reading plan -

maybe now I will get to catch up - and have time to journal as well.

 

And afterward, I laced up, grabbed the ipod, and went for a morning run.

 

 I am grateful for all I have learned in college, but will so happy when I am done in a year. 

This summer will be my first semester off since I started, 2 years ago.

I am going to cherish it :)

On this Christmas Eve's Eve

Oh how I wish I could just press the pause button on life right now.

I want to stay right here, in these moments.

Just for a while longer.

I love having the kids home from school.

I love having this special time of baking and lights,

 the joy, the decorations, and the anticipation of it all.

For school, I have been having to volunteer at a Physical Therapy office.

I love it, but I have to have many volunteer hours and being away from home

so much has been a bit hard. 

I have been enjoying what time I do have at home more than ever.

Cherishing it all...

Oh the goodies me and Jalyn have made!

* My hubbies' favorite - pralines.

* One of my favorites - sugar cookies!

Jalyn had to have different colored icing to decorate the cookies.

More fun that way!  And prettier too!

* And these!  A new addition to our treat making

- yummy chocolate covered cake balls.

Such a mess to make - and a bit of work for sure,

but worth it!

In the midst of much activity, I so enjoy some quiet -

I need some time to myself. 

If only just to sit in the living room -

with the glow of candles and Christmas lights.

And again this morning - up before everyone else.

Bible reading, journaling, coffee and chocolate chip scones.

Wishing everyone peace-filled moments.

Moments spent savoring the season, the goodies, the kiddos,

and the Giver of all.

A New Season

For a person who does not like change, one who clings to the familiar, changes have surely come... And one of the biggest ones come tomorrow.

August brought a return to school for the kiddos. The older two moved up a grade in the schools they were in last year, a relatively easy adjustment. Our youngest began 1st grade at a new school, which has been a really hard adjustment for him and for me. In kindergarten, he was in a Christian school where my best friend was his teacher, there were 12 kids in his class, he learned a bible verse a week, and all was loving and sweet. Enter public school... It has been a shock to his sensitive little self.

His teacher is great, but there is a teacher he has to deal with on a daily basis that is.....a bit on the firm side. He has had to adjust to teachers yelling a bit, trying to get lots more kids to behave and do what they expect them to do. The second week of school (last week), he cried for 3 mornings. Which nearly broke my heart.... But I am grateful to say, that after talking to his teacher, he & I feel a lot better. He is getting used to it, loves to learn, & even rode the school bus once for the first time. He said the best part of the bus ride was seeing me & his daddy waiting for him at the bus stop.

Tomorrow I begin nursing school. I feel like I am in a plane, about to parachute out. I have had lots of training, but still am not ready to jump. As a matter a fact, I'm not even sure I want to jump...but there are people behind me, waiting, expecting me to jump...after all, that's what I've been training for, for 2 years.

I feel like the Israelites, I've heard the bad report...many bad reports. Not much encouragement, from either students or nurses. They have me feeling like my life is about to be over... I have to remember it is doable. It just has to be.

I know God has carried me this far, I believe He has directed my course. I never could have done what I have so far, on my own. 17 classes, 15 A's, 2 B's. I remember the fear as I began college 2 years ago, wondering how I could do it. And here I am again, with 2 years of nursing school ahead of me, and I am in fear and trembling again.

If I ever have a free moment again (I fear I won't), I will try to write after the first week or so and give a quick update. I have been told that the first week is the worst, and to remember that other weeks aren't as bad or the same. I will try to remember that...

I do so wish I was one of those people who just jumped into new adventures with a gleeful attitude. Instead, I kinda picture myself holding onto a tree, while a fierce wind tries to blow me free.

I pray that I will have a gleeful update soon!

Where Have I Been?

I am now on a much anticipated, much loved break.

From school that is.

Issues of life, on the other hand - they just keep coming...

At least I don't have to study on top of all life brings - for a month anyway!

Getting into nursing school has been an... act of Congress.

Practically.

And if all the hoops you have to jump through just to get in is any indication of how it will be

when I am actually in.... oh boy....

I've had to get 2 painful Hepatitis shots in my arm/shoulder (bone!),

with one more to finish the series of 3 - in a few months

2 TB tests (apparently one is not conclusive enough)

Blood tests to make sure I am healthy,

one to prove I had chicken pox,

a physical....

Apparently the med tech didn't think the actual circle from the injection was visible enough...

I still have to get Healthcare Provider CPR training,

some kind of insurance nurses and student nurses are required to have,

scrubs, attire, and supplies

and a few days of orientation in June.

Then I think I am all set for nursing school.

Outwardly at least.

Last week, I finished up the Spring Semester!

Woo-Hoo!!!

This is all I did till my finals:

Study

In the car pool line among many places.

No, not while driving...at least I tried not too.

And guess what all that hard work got me???

I was thrilled.  It's so hard - but studying hard makes it so much easier come test time!

Just in time for this to come in the mail - a little "icing on the cake" -

congratulating me for jumping through all the Louisiana State Board hoops...

Now, I am just loving being a mom, a friend, a person who can go to lunch with her friends again.

One who can read anything she wants, without always thinking how she should be studying...

I SO love off-school time.

Alas, this will just be for a month though -

Microbiology begins the first week of June :(

Thankfully, it is my last class before nursing school begins - late August.

A Snippet of My Day

Studying....studying.....studying.....

 

Cutting power-point into flash cards

 

More studying and reading....



 Memorizing James 3:17-18

With a method that helps me more than any other.

Just by writing the first letter of every word in the verse.

Makes me have to think!

LOVING this book...

Lunch alone.

But never alone....

January Flies By

Where has this month gone?  Wasn't the tree just up?  The gifts yet opened?

And here it is, January gone. 

I will admit to being happy about that.  Not a favorite month of mine, by any means.

Always the let down after the holidays, the packing up of decorations,

the expectations of new beginnings/changes, the in-between of winter and spring.

February tomorrow. 

My month of love.  Not the 14th, but the 9th.  The day me and my hubby celebrate our

20th Wedding Anniversary

!!!!!!!

Bits of my January:

Green budding flowers.  The anticipation of what will spring up.

Spring semester brings Anatomy and Physiology 2.

We begin with the blood.  It is interesting, but somehow, my old study habits haven't kicked into gear yet.

Savored my time off too much perhaps.  My first quiz is Thursday morning - I need find my study momentum....once again.

Memorizing Colossians this year.  Going over and over these verses -

again, finding studying so hard.   I bring them with me - many carpool moments to practice.

I want His Word in my heart...

Also in those carpool moments -  enjoying one of the many books.

The beginning of the year brought me the challenge of reading through God's Word - finding the right reading plan.  I have tried different plans, and have failed.  I have tried just opening wherever, and have failed.

  

And this time, I find what works, for me. 

I began in Genesis, and daily read as much as I can - lingering over it.  Journaling about it. 

Reading it along with a commentary at times.

Weaving in and out of the Old Testament and the New Testament, checking off what I have done -

seeing what I have left.  Not being too hard on myself, the days I miss - but catching up when I do.

Loving it.

Goodbye January :)

Last Days Of Summer

School starts Monday.  Yes, in 2 days....

This last week of summer has been filled with doctor's visits [shots for Jalyn (3) and for Joshua (4)]  :(   and dentist visits for me and Jacob. Eye doctor for Jalyn (since she failed a test at her dr. check up) - glasses will be coming in in about a week!  Last minute school shopping, and Jacob still hasn't found a book bag - gotta do that today.

We have also played with friends, had my niece over for a few days, a visit from my mom, lunch out with friends.  You know that feeling, of trying to cram in everything, as if all time is gone once school starts.  It does feel like that at first.  But then you settle into the groove, and you realize it's okay.  Life still happens, and we are still a family that can do things together.

One place Jalyn has been wanting to go for sooo long, is Olive Garden.  She's a pasta girl!  So, after Joshua's shots, I got him something special that he wanted, and when I asked Jalyn what she wanted (for being so brave!) - she wanted Olive Garden.  So we had a Mom/Daughter date.

And it was good!  Jalyn walked in with a smile on her face, thought the restaurant was "so fancy".  (Poor child, we really must get out more!)

Here she is with her salad and bread sticks!

We ordered Grilled Chicken Alfredo - to share.  And we still had left overs!

Look at these desserts - too pretty.  I had the one with all the dark chocolate, she had the white chocolate one.  They were soooo good, and the perfect size.

This really is a year of firsts.  I will have 3 children in 3 different schools - all new to them this year.  Joshua is moving into kindergarten :(  Jalyn into Jr. High, and Jacob into High school.  WOW...  That just sounds stressful.  I keep thinking that if I can make it through this year, I will be okay.

Kindergarten doesn't start until after Labor Day, so I have a bit more time with Joshua.  He will be going to Kindergarten at a church where Jalyn went to preschool.  It's also where I went to church for 3 years, and became a Christian there.  Lots of good memories :)  Now we will add to those!  His schedule there will not be as long as if he were going to public school - a bit shorter days :)  The best part is that my very best friend will be his teacher!  So, I am not feeling as nervous as I could be, considering all those facts!

Oh, I just want to savor this weekend...  Before schedules, getting up early, buses, homework, grumbling, and all the sorts, begin......