The Wind and the Waves (And Light)

Is it the way the sun is setting?  Casting that long orange light on all things, it's goodbye slant?  Is it that another day is done?

 

Is it the ups and downs in a marriage?  The way days or months of closeness come and is wonderful, and then days of feeling miles a part come, And I am left feeling the emptiness...

Or the way these children come with very distinct personalities - often very different from my own.  And I try to mother them the best I know, and I can still count all the ways I fail.

Or the close friends that I know are hurting, this very day....

Perhaps because I got a new phone today, and when I put in my memory card - with all 1500 plus cherished pictures on it, I couldn't get the new phone to pull them up - no matter what I did.  So, I thought if I formatted the card - it would work.  Instead, I erased every beloved picture... For this alone, I feel so weepy.

Coming back from an errand a bit ago, looking around, sites outside my window, all people busy living life.  And somehow the very sights seem lonely.  The familiar streets, cast in that long dim light, shadows flashing the light on and off. 

And I think about what it would be like to be a person without anyone to love.  Or to love you back.  And my throat aches. My eyes brim.

My thoughts go from one area of ache to another.  One challenge to another. 

And then I wonder what is wrong with me?  I'm not an evening person, this I know...

I am a woman... That has to account for some of it, I tell myself.

And I think of Revelation - where it tells of what it will be like in heaven - no sadness or tears, pain or grief.  And I think perhaps there will always be this ache, in this place.  To cause us to long for our true home.  One where we will be made whole.  Where life will be as it should.

And I think of Peter on the boat - walking along, trying to reach Jesus.  And he suddenly notices the waves, and he begins to sink.  Oh how I sink at times.

And He draws me to look to Him.  To take my eyes and my thoughts off of the waves, the lights and the shadows - the fears and the struggles that fill each day.  Sometimes that's all we can do - look for His face.  Look to His promises.  Cling to His Word.  Feed and be filled - on the only thing that truly satisfies.