So Little Time

I feel like I always have a never ending "to-do" list. 

That I can never catch up.

And part of me thinks, "Oh, don't we all?"  But I really do remember when I didn't.  Oh, there were things I wanted to do, or things I felt needed to be cleaned or straightened or put away.

But not like this.  This is different.

Yes, now like then, there is always something to do in the house.  Laundry to be folded, dishes to be done, floors to be swept, pots to be cleaned and put away, dishwasher to be unloaded, dogs to be fed, grass to be cut, porch to be swept, dusting to be done, toys to be picked up, beds to be made.

Now, there are also phone calls that need to be made, thank you's to be given - that are all so late.  Late, like you wonder what people think of you - and that's not really you at all.  Emails that need writing.  Cards that should be sent.

There are church newsletters to be worked on,  Algebra to be practiced, English papers to be written, much research  to be done for research paper, psychology chapters to be read and tests to be taken, discussion boards to be read and posted on.

Puppy to be taken out, so many times a day I lose count.  Children to be played with and read to and talked to - that gets put off for all the other needs.

God - talked to in bursts throughout my day.  Missing long times with Him, pouring out my heart to Him in my journal - lately, I find no time to journal.  Bible study to finish before tomorrow mornings class.  Time with Him....  Put off till when...

I remember long, lazy days of being a child.  Days when it seemed no one existed in my neighborhood but us.  Days of  "Mother May I?" and mud pies.  Of playing train on the kitchen chairs that my mother would line up in the hallway as she mopped.  Of blankets tucked into drawers and doors, and anything that would hold them - so we could play house. 

Those seemed like long endless days.

I don't remember the last time I had one of those.  With nothing that needed to be done.  Nothing pressing on me. 

Is it just school?  I guess the answer would have to be yes.  When I think back to before I started college, I think I had days just like that.  Leisurely strolls in the mall, Toys R Us with the kids, the park, the beach, lunch with friends, and playdates.  Reading books all day - books I wanted to read.

Whatever it was I wanted to do.

It was nice.

I pray that I find a way to do all of this.  To do it well.  To be able to savor life, not speed through it, frazzled.  I wonder if it will ever change?  Is this life from here on out?


Lord, help me not to race through life, I pray that I take the time to be still - to savor You and know that You alone are God.  That I not miss all that You have for me - my husband and my children, my family and my friends.  I pray that I would learn how to better manage my time, how to prioritize, how to do the things I don't even want to do, but need to do (like research papers).  Help me to look to You, instead of drowning in circumstances and things to do.