You know, not until I just wrote that did I recall Jacob's first day of school this fall. How could I forget? He came home nearly in tears - not wanting to go back. Saying he couldn't do it. So discouraged.
And here I am. That is now me. I am nearly in tears. I think I am lacking sleep, and high on emotions (being a woman and all) - I am feeling very overwhelmed by school.
I have officially "entered" or "started" all of my classes.
I came home from my math class a bit ago. I've been in a daze ever since. How can I describe this teacher?.... He's very strict. He wrote across the board (as big as the board) NO TXTNG!!!! He said if he sees you with your phone, he will put you out of the class. Now, I don't really think I would have any problems in this area - but he's a little scary none the less. He has a very strong middle eastern accent. So, you have to look at him and pay close attention to understand what he is saying. There is no make up work. No make up tests. You miss a class - you have a zero for what you missed. He has a sense of humor and is nice on the other hand. He wants our attention to be on him 100% of the time in class - as he also said, "NO TALKING!!!". He wants us to learn - not to be distracted. If we have any questions, we can ask him, email him or call him. So, even though his presence is... let's just say you could hear a pin drop in that class, he also wants us to succeed and do well.
English. I thought I would really love this class. I love to read. I love to journal and write. But.. All of this argumentative stuff bugs me. Why do we have to debate issues? Why can't we write a well thought out paper, from the heart? I don't get it. My teacher seems kind of cut and dry. 1500 word research paper, several other 600 word or more essays, a 5 minute presentation (what?? I hate those!), and on and on.
General Psychology.
I was honestly kind of excited about this class. Until I got the book today. Do you see all of these pages? These are notes - for the test - this week. All of those pages to study for one test.
See how thick this book is? There is so much material covered in one chapter - it's hard to absorb it all.
As I was going through all the psych lecture notes for Chapter 1, trying to find all the answers to make a study guide, I began to get very scared. I began to think about this. My summer semester was just so great. English. You read, you choose a thesis, and you write about. You do it. Math - it's hard for me, but you press on, you figure it out, you stay up late and practice, you learn it and you do it.
Now, in a class where you don't actually "do" it, like this Psychology class - it's just large amounts of information you have to "absorb". What if I can't do that? And for nursing, there is so much more of that to come.
I had just enough time to finish that study guide, when I had to leave for my math class. I felt like my whole life was suddenly very different, and not for the good.
I prayed the whole way there - "Lord, I feel You called me to do this - You have to get me through it. Be strong where I am weak. Give me what I lack. Increase my time, help me to manage all I have to do. Show me what to cut out that doesn't need to be. Help me not to feel like waters are sweeping over me. Help me look to You and keep my focus on You."
Please Lord. Please.
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