Today was... very stressful. We had to leave the house at 8:30 am. Arrive at the hospital around 9:20am. Go through admitting and insurance business for a while. Then to the lab. Joshua remembered the little Nemo decals all over the room, as soon as we walked in. He began to cry and say, "No Mama. Let's go Mama." So sad. So were the two children who were in the room with cancer. Heartbreaking.
Joshua sat on my lap with his head buried in my chest for most of our 30 min. wait in that room. I'm not sure what was worse, waiting for the impending "upset" he would have, and knowing he knew what was coming, or actually doing it. Anyway, they finally called us, and he immediately began to fight me to get down - which is something he never does. He also put his arms behind his back and began crying and crying. Then, soon it was over. The crying wasn't over too quickly, but thankfully the blood work was done.
Next to radiology for the Renal Ultrasound. We knew that Joshua would be afraid that he was about to have something else painful done to him, so we tried to think of how to explain an ultrasound. While we were in admitting, I had given him the other half of a piece of my gum, which he shortly swallowed. So... we told him how he was going to have pictures taken of his tummy. Then I said something like, "Oh, Joshua, are we going to see your gum in your tummy?" Well... I shouldn't have said that.
As soon as we were called into the room, we met the guy who would be doing the ultrasound - a very friendly guy, very good with Joshua. Joshua immediately begins pointing at his tummy. I wasn't sure why at first. Then we lay him down, and he is beginning to cry, but holds back. We all talk so friendly to him, showing him the pictures of his "tummy" on the TV screen. Joshua asks him if he sees his gum. I explain to the guy about him swallowing his gum a few minutes ago. The guy then says, "Oh yes, I see that gum."
He's told to lay on his back, while the man looks at one kidney, then to his side for a better look of one of them, then to turn on his other side, to look at the other kidney, then finally, back on his back for a look at his bladder. Well, the whole time, Joshua is all teary-eyed, but holding back. He laid there so still and did so good, but I could tell that at any moment, he was going to lose it. The man kept telling him how brave he was, and how he was his best patient of the whole day. Finally, he said he was done.
Well.....the dam broke. He began crying and crying inconsolably! We had to wait in there for a little while, so the guy could show the films to the doctor, and make sure he didn't need any more. When we got the thumbs up, he told Joshua goodbye and we were on our way out! Great news is that he didn't seem to see any stones, or anything bad, unless he just didn't tell us. I'm praying so hard that he doesn't have any stones at all. He did say that they have to be a certain size to be able to show up.
On our way out, we had to pass through the main entrance lobby. The waiting area where all the parents and families gather as they wait for their children in surgery. The same waiting area that we waited for a few hours when Joshua was in surgery, at 18 mths. Looking around the room, I saw a doctor come out of surgery, and he was looking all over the lobby for the parents, to give them word. I almost broke down. Just remembering that feeling, of being so anxious for the doctor to finally come out of surgery - an hour or more later than he told us he would.
We stayed in the lobby for a little while, because there is the coolest perpetual motion display there. It is very big, and is enclosed in glass in the center of the lobby. Some one made it in 1989. It's all of these balls that continue through a series of loop-d-loops, tracks, chains and other things I can't remember. Joshua was mesmerized. I on the other hand, couldn't help notice the little boy around Joshua's age, with a tracheotomy. Or the other little boy, a little younger than Joshua, with a little mask on his face, and bandaged hand with an IV in it. And others.
I told Clay on the way home, that we can all live in a "sheltered" existence - of our everyday lives, and not think about all of these painful realities of life. Not be aware of other people's pain and problems.
As I looked at the parents of these children today, I noticed how they were so... normal. Just a bit tired and weary looking. Then I began to think about the people we pass in the grocery store, for example, and we have no idea what hard and painful things may be going on in their lives.
After taking him away from the perpetual balls in action thing, while he was crying to stay and watch, we felt really bad - but had to hurry, because Clay had a doctor's appt. we had to get back for. To cheer him up, I said, "How about when we get home, Mama will take Joshua to the store, and you can pick out a present! Do you want to pick out a toy?" Yes - and that did cheer him a little.
We went to the "circle" store, aka Target, because that is where he wanted to go. In the toy section, I told him, "Joshua, what toy do you want to take home?" An older lady was on the isle with us, and turned to look at us when I said that. Again, back to the subject of not knowing what other people go through in their lives, I wanted to explain to her all he had been through that day - and how he doesn't understand why we have to do these things - so if buying him a special treat will help him forget for a while, that's okay with me. But, I didn't. But it did make me want to be more gracious to others and think twice of ever judging another, when we have no idea what life they may be walking, or have walked.
He ended up picking out a big robot on clearance for $7.00 Yeah! Cheap, but VERY noisy!!
When Jalyn got home from school this evening, Joshua told her, "Sissy, I had to go to the doctor to take pictures of my tummy. I swallowed my gum."
Now the poor baby things we did all of that because he swallowed his gum! He may never eat another piece again.
And later, he was laying in my bed, watching Spongebob - and he stretched out his arm. He looked at his bruised little poke and began to cry. He said through tears, "That hurt Joshie. It bit me. It hurt me. Joshie has bo-bo."
Oh, I pray that he will be fine, and he won't have to have anymore tests done for a while. That with all the information gathered so far, the doctor can come to a conclusion that will help him.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers. They mean more than I can say.
Posts
