Panic

Panic is what I am feeling, try as I am not to.

I looked at yesterday's post, and thought, "Can't I go back to that? Just looking forward to a bible study? With no huge worries?"

Gustav. Could it have a better name? Something sweet sounding, like Lilly or Molly?

Until another couple of days, they don't really know where this storm is going. Though why do all the models have it pointed to us if they don't know? We are in the middle of the expected path.

I needed to go grocery shopping today. Should I do that? Should I buy anything that we won't need within 3 or 4 days? I just filled my freezer with chicken breasts the other day - should I try to cook it all, before it's all gone? These are the things that are going through my mind. It may seem irrational. Like, I was going to by toilet paper - but really, we have enough rolls to make it till the weekend - but will we really need it after that? I can remember seeing all of the soggy, moldy toilet paper rolls. I remember fearing what may come out at me as those bathroom cabinets were opened. It was all disgusting - nothing could be salvaged.

I so do not want to sound like a voice of gloom and doom. I don't want to feel it either. How do you wish for a Hurricane to hit someone else? I pray that it weakens, instead of strengthening - like they say it will. And I also pray that it does not hit here, not again.

I turned on the news this morning, which is only feeding my panic. All they are talking about it packing up the things you need and want to take with you, now. Evacuation routes, getting out before the panic begins, and the like. I do not like this.

Having lost most everything you own, how do you part with things? Furniture, yes, I must leave. Just thinking of packing everything I care about, and praying my house will be spared, makes me feel such a feeling of dread.

Joshua was 2 months old when Hurricane Katrina hit. He didn't know that his house was destroyed.

Yesterday, me and a friend went to lunch, and he was feeling tired and asked me, "Mama, go to Joshie's living room?" All he wanted to do was go home. Now that he is three, how would we deal with losing his home? He would clearly know when he saw everything.

I know, I am going too far ahead. Having been through what I have - knowing the very very long road it took to get here - I can't help it.

Pray for me - and everyone in it's path.