On Being a Woman

As a child, I used to think that "grown-ups" were so secure.  Not always right, or perfect, but sure.  Is it because as a kid, and even a teenager, I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings - that I never thought about what the grown-ups around me were dealing with?  What made me think that when I became a woman, all of those emotions and doubts and insecurities would just go away?  Why did I look at grown-ups as though they lacked all that I felt? 

I think of the women in my life while growing up, none of them had it easy.  Their marriages were far from perfect.  They had troubles with their children, and money and all sorts of other everyday difficulties.  I think I just saw them "do it".  They just did what needed to be done, went on about their days, and made do with what they had.  I don't know why I thought they could do it all without the bundle of emotions that come with being a woman.

And here I am.  Now a woman.  Feeling very much still like the teenage girl.  I still find myself wondering when that age will come when I am like what I thought a woman was.  And it concerns me that it will never come.  That I will always carry these feelings.  The shyness, the uncertainty, the insecurities, the doubts and fears.  Maybe there really is no magical age where all of those things disappear - like I thought. 

There is real life to be lived.  With real concerns, battles, hardships, and struggles.  Bad things really do happen to good people, and people really can go astray.  People will still hurt you, and it will sting.  The dailiness of life will bring many issues that need to be dealt with.  Life is rarely just smooth-sailing.

Many times I look up to the sky with such an ache, followed by such a peace.  If God did not see, and if He were not real, if there was not a hope, I would be crushed under it all.

Oh Praise God, He is real.  He is our Hope. 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them.  They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
He who way seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"  Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
He said to me:  "It is done.  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End.  To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.  He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.
Revelation 21 :1-7