They are there.
And I see every one of them.
Yet I am sure, there are others I just haven't seen yet.
But they are there - as I have been told.
But they are there - as I have been told.
I mean really.
What am I doing? -
I ask myself as I sit in my car.
Waiting to go meet with my advisor for a mandatory meeting at nursing school.
I don't belong here.
Nothing feels familiar.
Or even good.
I'm not smart enough.
I don't do well with stress.
Think of the hours....
The next 2 years of my life....
I don't even know what I am doing???
I feel sick as I sit here.
Wanting to instead return home.
To life as I knew it.
Just being a mom and a wife.
Having to make only the decisions of what to do in a day...
Whatever I wanted to do...
Really - how did I get here?
Where my days are now spent studying???
Having to know every single minute part of the human body...
How strange it all seems.
When these feelings and thoughts overwhelm me,
I admit I wallow in them a bit.
I pout and think of why I don't want to go on.
How it's too hard for me...
I am like the people of Israel, who heard the bad report - who raised their voices and wept aloud.
(and I have heard...too many bad reports!)
Then, I remember...
"The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good.
If the Lord is pleased with us, He will lead us into that land,
a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us.
Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people
of the land... Do not be afraid of them."
Numbers 14:7-9
I have to remember that God has carried me here,
for a purpose.
I know it and must trust it.
Though the miles are long,
the gas is high,
the traffic is bad,
the buildings are high,
strange people walking by,
the work is hard....
"But because my servant...has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly,
I will bring (her) into the land (she) went to."
Numbers 14:24
He has lead me here, and I must not look at all the many giants -
I must look to Him and trust in Him alone.
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